The 'Nachonomics' & 'I Enjoy Nachos' Crossover Spectacular!!!

The Meeting

Marvel and DC. Simpsons and Family Guy. Scooby Doo and The Harlem Globetrotters. Nachonomics and I Enjoy Nachos. 

Epic crossovers; each and every one.

So, the story goes that two fine gentleman were on two completely different road expeditions. Each traveling the country in search of different things. Each away from home for distinctive reasons, but both eventually diverging on one single location in these great United States. Would it even be possible to perfectly time our journey's end in unison? Could we, weary travelers, after hours upon hours of traveling the seemingly never-ending roadway that is summertime vacation, actually meet? Could two cool nacho dudes that were brought together by destiny, or some might say the internet, descend on a single point on planet Earth at the same time after days and days of gasoline-propulsion insanity?

Yes. 

The nacho deities allowed it.

Kind of...

I Enjoy Pools. Coming Soon!

Little did we know that our epic journey would not end in nacho glory. We would not high-five each other in a triumphant display of nacho solidarity in front of a restaurant full of patrons. No, our meeting would take an unfortunate comical turn due to a minor overlooked triviality called "reservations" which we apparently lacked on a Sunday night.

Not to be deterred by this unfortunate event we did what any two nacho zealots would do that traveled many-a-mile to eat nachos together for the first time.

We ordered them.

We ordered them To Go.

We ordered them To Go for mass consumption back at the 'I Enjoy Nachos' highfalutin HQ.

Perhaps this was, in some strange way, an important part of my nacho journey. Perhaps my journey is not always out there on the road, but right in my own home with good nacho company instead.

The Interview

I Enjoy Nachos: We both already know that nachos are the greatest food known to mankind. If the internet did not exist, how would you spread the nacho word?

Nachonomics: I think I would have to either wander the land, like a Johnny Appleseed or Randall Flagg, spreading the good word door to door, or get one of those Medicine Show carts and put on shows about the curative power of nachos. As I don't even know where you'd get one of those carts these days, so it would probably be the former, but I'd always long for the lifestyle of the latter.

IEN: You have a doctorate in Nachonomics. Where did you study?

N: Miskatonic University in Arkham Massachusetts. It's known mostly for their medical school and rather impressive library, but they also have a rather impressive culinary arts graduate program as well. Not on the level of say a Le Cordon Bleu or Auguste Escoffier, but still very respectable in the field. 22 months of non-stop nacho studies later and boom, doctorate in Nachonomics, fastest earned in the history of the school.

IEN: You are quite the fan of H.P. Lovecraft. If you were to create a nacho platter in his honor what ingredients would they consist of and how would you name them?

N: Well, Lovecraft being just about the whitest white guy around and something of a racist probably wouldn't have eaten nachos for being too foreign, but if he somehow managed to stomach them they'd have to be pretty basic. Corn chips, ground beef (free of exotic spices that would have run havoc on his stomach cancer), and a lot of cheese and sour cream as he was a dairy lover. A pretty sad dish to be sure that I wouldn't serve to anyone. No, in his honor I would make a dish known as Nacho-Sothoth, which would contain blue corn chips, fried calamari (the kind that look like a mass of cut off tentacles rather than the rings), Wisconsin sharp cheddar, pico do gallo, and habanero slices rather than jalapenos. That would be a thoroughly alien looking dish with enough different flavors mixed in and the added bonus or every now and then getting a piece of habanero that would be so spicy as to drive you mad!

IEN: I've been a proud backer of two successful nacho-related Kickstarters you've launched. Is there anything new coming down the nacho pike?

N: Why as a matter of fact there is! The final book in The Complete Collection of Nacho Knowledge, "Selected Recipes from The Nachonomicon", will probably launch Cinco de Mayo 2016. There may also be some sort of nacho board or card game in the works, but the exact details of that are still sworn to secrecy.

IEN: There are rumblings all over the internet about a Nacho News Network. Is there anything you can tell us at this point?

N: I could tell you about The Nacho News Network, or better yet, I could SHOW you about it. Witness the majesty of a one go to stop directing you to the finest of nacho websites the internet has to offer. Witness a mecca of the nachoiest nacho nachoness.

Witness THE NACHO NEWS NETWORK!!! (coming sooner than Star Wars)

The Review

Blue Sage Vegetarian Grille
772 2nd Street Pike
Southampton, PA 18966
(215) 942-8888


Adobo Goat Cheese Nachos

From the Menu: Blue corn tortillas with adobo black beans, roasted corn, grilled red peppers, oven dried grape tomatoes, cilantro and creamy onion goat manchego cheese.

Price: $11.95


I was so excited to eat these nachos. Truly. I had a fellow nacho connoisseur by my side and a sense of wonder from being turned away from a restaurant on a Sunday night for lack of reservations. This surely was a mixture for success that I actually believed (at the time) would lead to a remarkable nacho experience.

Symmetry in nacho.

They certainly took pride in providing an excellent 'To Go' nacho experience. I'll be reusing those containers for decades or until I die from BPA poisoning.

If you look REALLY close you can see a shitty CG Jabba the Hutt.

First thing you may notice is a lot of brown with only two real bright beacons of color. These were definitely the Tatooine of nachos. Not a lot of life on the surface, but had potential for something great to rise from it.

You should know that I love Star Wars. A lot. And Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru were awesome. 

Poor Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. 

What a horrible fate they endured. Especially for a PG movie!

It's important to always stay hydrated.

From the picture above it does appear that I loved these nachos. And I certainly wouldn't say I hated them. They were just, well... boring. Really boring. I expected more pops of flavor from vegetarian nachos. Without the typical meat topping to add that punch of taste (aka grease), I hoped for a few spicy substitutes. But there was no smack to the lips to be found. Just a subtle and delicate goat cheese taste that forced me to eat more and more in hopes to find that missing zing my tongue was expecting. Every single ingredient was more bland than the next and that makes me incredibly sad.

It's as if millions of taste buds cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.

• Presentation: 4
• Assembly: 8
• Originality: 7
• Value: 4
• Taste: 4
• Overall: 5.4

So, through our mutual disappointment of the nachos we endured, our friendship has ultimately endured. We discovered that there is only one thing better than bonding over something you love.

It's something you can bitch about.

I highly recommend you join us on our nacho journeys. 

Where will they take us next?

Hurricane Grill & Wings

Hurricane Grill & Wings
10440 SW Village Center Drive
Port Saint Lucie, FL 34987
(772) 345-9464


Hurricane Nachos

From the Menu: Crisp tortilla chips loaded with our House Chili, queso cheese and jalapenos. Drizzled with our Ancho Chile Lime sauce and topped with diced tomatoes and red onions.

Price: $8.99
+ guacamole for 99c


Florida is too fucking hot.

My wife and I traveled to Florida recently to visit family and live it up like old retired folk. We had a great time avoiding the sun by running from the house to the car and then making a mad dash from the car to whatever indoor event we happened to do that day. Experiencing Florida in July made me realize two things. One: how much I love Pennsylvania. Two: If the earth was two feet closer to the sun we would all die.

The beautiful Florida sunset.

One of the establishments I ran into to avoid direct sunlight was Hurricane Grill & Wings. According to Yelp these nachos were ranked pretty high. I was in a foreign land and unfamiliar with the landscape and Yelp was my guiding light (except that Yelp originally guided me to a location that closed down). My guess is that it spontaneously combusted. But, as a man obsessed with nachos and afraid to roll my window down to ask for directions I nacho-ed on! Mind you I was only afraid to roll my window down because I made a solemn vow to not let any of the soupy Florida air into my rental car in fear of the air conditioner disintegrating.

I am happy to report that I completely demolished these nachos. They tasted pretty damn good, but something else may have actually been at play. Was it the beer? Was it the nacho desperation? Was it that the act of simply blinking would make me sweat bullets and I needed to replenish those calories? It's hard to say. The ancho chile lime sauce was certainly unique (I tasted a hint of garlic) and was the signature selling point of these nachos. It is a flavor that completely complimented the house chili, but didn't overpower it. The queso cheese absolutely married these trifecta of flavors together in a tasty fashion. Unfortunately, I have to say a good portion of this deliciousness was only sitting atop the tortilla chips like the sun above Florida at high noon. I would have preferred a few more layers.

Ultimately, I was extremely surprised by the wonderful mixture of flavors from Hurricane Grill & Wings which apparently enjoys celebrating violent and deadly Caribbean storms in their name for some odd reason.

• Presentation: 7
• Assembly: 6
• Originality: 6
• Value: 7
• Taste: 8
• Overall: 6.8

Bar Louie

Bar Louie
600 Rockk Hill Drive
Bensalem, PA 19020
(267) 684-1360


Chicken Nachos

From the Menu: grilled chicken, queso, black beans, fresh jalapeno, pico de gallo, guacamole, sour cream, tortilla chips

Price: $11.25

While celebrating my wife's career advancement as a Food Service Director one night, I was secretly celebrating another milestone.

In my nacho career.

Some would argue that my nacho milestone may not be as "deserving" as my wife's promotion. They may argue that all her years of schooling and hard work are on a completely "different level" than what I am bringing to the table.

You be the judge.

Do you see that chicken? Well, after all these years of reporting on my nacho adventures I can finally (and definitively) say that I enjoyed chicken on my nachos.

Let me repeat that in case you missed it:

I enjoy chicken nachos.

Wow...incredible.

Thanks to Bar Louie I hit a milestone that I thought would never happen. Think back, everyone. Close your eyes and think about your favorite nachos. Think about those flavors hitting your tongue. Think of that cheese covered tortilla chip.  Taste that house-made guacamole, sour cream, and that fresh pico de gallo. Think about the beans - the unsung nacho hero. What other flavors are you imagining? What are your favorite nacho ingredients?

Can you taste it? Are you salivating? Now let's ruin it by adding chicken.

Now you see what I mean.

Even though the ingredients weren't unique, they were fresh and very spot on. The queso was creamy and full of "comfort feel" flavor. The black beans added a wonderful flavor many nacho platters lack. And all the other toppings were standard nacho ingredients, but very very good. Why? Because they were fresh.

That's it.

But the chicken? The chicken was awesome. It was tender, well seasoned, and added a pop of flavor that usually is sucked dry by chicken.

Because nachos with chicken are always dry.

That's what this whole damn thing was about.

• Presentation: 7
• Assembly: 8
• Uniqueness: 5
• Value: 7
• Taste: 8
• Overall: 7.0

Nacho News Network

Nacho News Network

As you can see from the "proof of concept" logo above created by the incredibly talented man behind Nachonomics, the Nacho News Network is coming. What is the Nacho News Network? Who is involved in this? What type of Nacho News will be reported on? Will the logo ever be updated?

There is an answer to all of these questions.

Nachonomics.com - what a real nacho website looks like.

In the meantime we need your help. There will be meeting between Nachonomics and I Enjoy Nachos soon. Very soon. In fact, it's so top secret that we don't even know where it is. So, loyal readers, where do you think the best nachos in Philadelphia (and the surrounding area) are? Where should we hold this meeting of the nacho minds? What is the one place that you've always wanted me review?

The future is in your hands (that are covered in saliva and cheese I hope). Make it count.

Here are some random images that signify the importance of this meeting:

Peppe's Mexican Grill

Peppe's Mexican Grill
3501 Brownsville Road
Trevose, PA 19053


Nacho Supreme

From the Menu: Homemade tortilla chips with cheese wiz OR shredded Monterey Jack cheese & sour cream.

Nacho Cheese, jalapenos, pico de gallo: $3.95
Nacho Supreme - ground beef, beans, pico de gallo: $4.95

Before making the big move from a small apartment in Philadelphia to a big-boy house outside the city there were numerous important decisions to make and concerns to address. Location, Lender. Local nachos. Square footage. Acreage. Basement. Gas or oil. HVAC. Roof. Driveway. Proximity to Wawa. You know what they say:

Location, location, nachos.

Roughly one mile down the road from my potential new casa de nacho was a small local Mexican restaurant. This was a very good sign. I had a good feeling about the house, the neighbors, the roof, the lawn, and the local nachos. So, I bought this house nachos unseen.

Well, as a first time home buyer sometimes things aren't what they seem...

Firstly, our neighbors George and Ethel are delightful. However, the water in the basement and the feral cats leave a lot to be desired. But the one thing I wasn't expecting were the nachos to be "slightly better than average."

Don't they know who I am?

No?

Well, that's just fucking wonderful.

Peppe's Mexican Grill isn't quite a restaurant and it isn't quite a fast food joint either. The decor fluctuates from fancy outdoor architecture to diner tables and chairs to ordering at the counter but also having a waitress. This identity crisis also is evident in the nachos. They looked good. Really good. There was nacho stuff in almost every single layer. However, the ingredients were standard and the flavor was just "good!" You know the "good!" I'm talking about. It's the "good" when someone asks how you are and you say "good!" but you really aren't good because life is hard.

Not quite what I was expecting when I bought this house with nachos around the corner, but you can't win them all.

I blame my realtor.

Just kidding, she was wonderful and probably reads this blog. Hi Karen!!!

• Presentation: 8
• Assembly: 8
• Uniqueness: 3
• Value: 8
• Taste: 5
• Overall: 6.4

So many nachos, so little time...

It appears that I haven't been carrying out my due diligence. I mean, obviously I've been eating nachos. Plenty of them in fact! However, my reporting has been sub-par. So, lets try something a little different. Nacho Haikus!

That's a thing, right?

Pick your poison.

Famous Dave's
9763 Roosevelt Boulevard
Philadelphia, PA 19114
(215) 856-7611


Barbeque Nachos

Ingredients: House-smoked cheddar cheese, Wilbur Beans, Famous Chili, jalapenos, Rich & Sassy and choice of Texas Brisket, Georgia Chopped Pork and Barbeque Pulled Chicken

Price: Small - $7.99 / Large - $11.99

Ribs, brisket, corn bread
Staples of southern food, but...
I enjoy nachos

Never eat nachos

Before I take a picture.

Divorce is looming.

• Presentation: 8
• Assembly: 7
• Uniqueness: 6
• Value: 8
• Taste: 7
• Overall: 7.2

Game of Thrones Premiere Party
Location: My new house

GoT Premiere Nachos

Ingredients: ground beef, cheese, tomatoes, and Tostitos Cantina Thin & Crispy Chips

Price: Your favorite character's head.

The Aluminum Throne

The Seven Kingdoms

Can anything unite them?

Dragons love nachos.

• Presentation: 6
• Assembly: 4
• Uniqueness: 2
• Value: 10
• Taste: 7
• Overall: 5.8

Horsham Pub
1144 Horsham Road
Ambler, PA 19002
(267) 387-6702

Nacho Bar

Ingredients: Corn Tortilla Chips with Multed Cheese, Lettuce, Tomato, Black Olives and Jalapenos

Price: $79.00 (Serves up to 25 people).

Pot of cheese at the end of the nacho rainbow.

Legend has it that

a Nacho King will rise from

a vast pot of cheese.

Before.

Do you remember
Birthday party number one?
What about nachos?

After

• Presentation: 4 (I'm kinda into that pot of cheese though.)
• Assembly: 8 (do it yourself. I needed more time and had to think of the children.)
• Uniqueness: 2 (ingredients were typical. Do it yourself is atypical).
• Value: 10 (free to me is always a 10. I got $3.16 worth for sure.)
• Taste: 4 (the whole was not greater than the sum of the parts.)
• Overall: 5.6

Bucks County Food Truck Festival
Cherokee Day Camp
Bensalem, PA 19020


Pork Nachos via
Mary of the Queen Pork Food Truck

Ingredients: I'm going to take a stab at this and say "Tostito Chips, Nacho Cheese, BBQ Pork"

Price: $10.00

It's like they knew I was coming. 

Summertime is here.

Go outside with friends and eat

More nachos of course!

Pork, chili, chicken

I can't pick just one for now

Why do people stare?

• Presentation: 3
• Assembly: 5
• Uniqueness: 4
• Value: 3
• Taste: 7
• Overall: 4.4

Chipotle Mexican Grill Catering

Tabby's Baby Shower
Philadelphia, PA


Chipotle: Mexican Grill Catering

Ingredients:

INCLUDES:
White and Brown Cilantro-Lime Rice
Black Beans
Pinto Beans
Fresh Tomato Salsa (mild)
Roasted Chili-Corn Salsa (medium)
Tomatillo-Green Chili Salsa (medium hot)
Tomatillo-Red Chili Salsa (hot)
Sour Cream
Guacamole
Cheese
Lettuce
Chips
Crispy Taco Shells
Soft Flour Tortillas
Bowls, Utensils, Napkins
Serving Spoons & Tongs
Stands, Chafing Dishes & Fuel

CHOOSE TWO or THREE:
Chicken
Steak
Carnitas
Barbacoa
Sofritas

Price: Unknown


Baby showers and nachos apparently go hand-in-hand - I had no idea. As a nacho man I have not attended many baby showers. Historically considered a sacred event of the female variety I didn't know what to expect. However, this co-ed shower was quite incredible. The mother-to-be was beautiful, the family and friends were welcoming, and I was greeted by a smorgasbord of nacho ingredients,

Doesn't get better than this...

and this...

I have to say I was impressed and Chipotle Mexican Grill (literally) delivered the goods. The food was hot, the ingredients were fresh, and the setup was expansive. I can't say that I was the first person to dive in when the buffet opened, but I was definitely the first person to dive in when the buffet opened. I can't say that I made multiple nacho bowls over the course of the next few hours, but I definitely made numerous nacho bowls over the next few hours. A little of this, a little of that, rinse and repeat.

Each ingredient that I hand selected to take the long journey from the chaffing dishes, to my bowl, to my mouth tasted wonderful. I can't say that anything necessarily stood out and was unique, but I can say that picking and choosing my ingredients and amassment was very pleasing.

In closing, I definitely can't say that I took numerous bags of crispy delicious tortilla chips home with me either. This definitely didn't happen.

• Presentation: 7
• Assembly: 10*
• Uniqueness: 3
• Value: 10*
• Taste: 6
• Overall: 7.2

* Due to the nature of this free nacho experience, I was able to build the nachos as I see fit.

Subway

Subway (inside das Walmart)
4600 East Roosevelt Boulevard
Philadelphia, PA 19115
(215) 288-3813


Subway Nachos

Ingredients: 390 calories (of not eating fresh)

Price: $2.00


So I meandered into Walmart because I felt my blood pressure was getting a little too low. But I felt something else too. Something very familiar. At first I thought I was excited for the inevitable spectacle that was about to unfold. Yet, nothing happened. No fashion crimes were being committed. No naked babies were running through the aisles. No one was acting confused by the door alarm because they forgot to pay for that HDTV. I wasn't even being rammed by one single shopping cart. Perhaps I needed to be patient and eat something. Maybe this was a "dinner and a show" type event. For some reason I was actually being drawn into the Subway, inside Walmart, inside a shopping center, but why? It was exactly like Inception and I was Leo-nacho DiCaprio. Weird, I know. It turned out this little guy was the reason:

We're not talking Chopped Salads here.

So, I ordered my 6" hoagie in typical song-and-dance Subway fashion. "Yes" to this. "No" to that. And that. And that. I was just getting ready to pay and I literally saw the sign. Turns out I am the one about to make a spectacle of myself and freak the fuck out in Walmart. Damn the "Order Here" sign! Damn the line! Damn the payment! Let anarchy reign motherfuckers!

So I politely asked to add-on the Subway Nachos to my order, my amount due was readily amended, and I promptly received the mystery box below:

What nacho gold awaits within?

Dare I say that I may have a future at the Walmart Portrait Center.

Those were Doritos all along! What a twist!

What more is there to say about Doritos covered in nacho cheese with jalapenos thrown on top? If you stop for just a moment and think about the ingredients you could probably taste them.

Do you taste it?

Thank you - this review is over.

Or perhaps the nacho chip is still spinning...

• Presentation: 3
• Assembly: 3
• Uniqueness: 4
• Value: 7
• Taste: 7
• Overall: 4.8

New Year's Nachos

Home
Somewhere in Pennsylvania


New Year's Nachos

Ingredients: boneless center cut pork chop, canned sauerkraut, Gala & Granny Smith apples, Garden of Eatin Restaurant Style White Corn Tortilla Chips, one bottle of Lion's Head beer, mozzarella cheese, and scallions

Price: Just a couple bucks per serving. I think. I can post the receipt if you like.


For as long as I can remember I have eaten pork & sauerkraut on New Year's Day. It is one of the sacred traditions my mother has never missed - ever - while I was growing up. It is a tradition I don't mind undertaking now that I am a man (of sorts). Well, that along with my tradition of watching Planes, Trains & Automobiles on Thanksgiving, wearing my favorite shirt the day after laundry day, and losing at scratch off lotto tickets.

This year I decided to agglutinate a tradition of ideas and flavors of my own. It started with a sleep-deprived brilliant idea and the next thing I know I was at Shop Rite purchasing ingredients and thinking about my poor mother's feelings.

Frankenstein's Ingredients

The Science

It's ALIVE!!!

Five hours later I was bringing in the New Year with my family. I may have received questionable glances at first, but soon almost enough everyone wanted a taste.

Who's crazy now?

Even though the color was a bit bland and monotone the flavor was just fantastic. The apples reduced the sourness of the kraut, the pork was tender, tasty and had a tiny hint of beer, and the chips were my alternate edible silverware (think of the environment). The mozzarella cheese stitched it all together like Frankenstein's monster and I was a madman content with his creation.

A simple and delicious way to welcome in 2015. I wonder if I can convince my wife of another new tradition I've been thinking about - nachos in bed on the weekend.

On a side note: eating mashed potatoes with tortilla chips is my new thing.

Happy New Year everyone!

• Presentation: 5
• Assembly: 7
• Uniqueness: 9
• Value: 10
• Taste: 8
• Overall: 7.5