Subway

Subway (inside das Walmart)
4600 East Roosevelt Boulevard
Philadelphia, PA 19115
(215) 288-3813


Subway Nachos

Ingredients: 390 calories (of not eating fresh)

Price: $2.00


So I meandered into Walmart because I felt my blood pressure was getting a little too low. But I felt something else too. Something very familiar. At first I thought I was excited for the inevitable spectacle that was about to unfold. Yet, nothing happened. No fashion crimes were being committed. No naked babies were running through the aisles. No one was acting confused by the door alarm because they forgot to pay for that HDTV. I wasn't even being rammed by one single shopping cart. Perhaps I needed to be patient and eat something. Maybe this was a "dinner and a show" type event. For some reason I was actually being drawn into the Subway, inside Walmart, inside a shopping center, but why? It was exactly like Inception and I was Leo-nacho DiCaprio. Weird, I know. It turned out this little guy was the reason:

We're not talking Chopped Salads here.

So, I ordered my 6" hoagie in typical song-and-dance Subway fashion. "Yes" to this. "No" to that. And that. And that. I was just getting ready to pay and I literally saw the sign. Turns out I am the one about to make a spectacle of myself and freak the fuck out in Walmart. Damn the "Order Here" sign! Damn the line! Damn the payment! Let anarchy reign motherfuckers!

So I politely asked to add-on the Subway Nachos to my order, my amount due was readily amended, and I promptly received the mystery box below:

What nacho gold awaits within?

Dare I say that I may have a future at the Walmart Portrait Center.

Those were Doritos all along! What a twist!

What more is there to say about Doritos covered in nacho cheese with jalapenos thrown on top? If you stop for just a moment and think about the ingredients you could probably taste them.

Do you taste it?

Thank you - this review is over.

Or perhaps the nacho chip is still spinning...

• Presentation: 3
• Assembly: 3
• Uniqueness: 4
• Value: 7
• Taste: 7
• Overall: 4.8