Red Iguana

Red Iguana
736 W North Temple
Salt Lake City, UT 84116
(801) 322-1489


Killer Nachos

From the Menu: Generous portion of house fried tortilla chips topped w/ refried beans, pork chile verde, house made pork chorizo, melted jack cheese, pico de gallo, guacamole, sour cream, black olives, green onions & jalapenos.

Price: $10.99


Oh boy, this review has been a long time coming. It's been on my "to-write" list for about four months. Do you know what happens to my brain in the course of four months? What about since last weekend? Major memory desedimentation. I'm lucky I can remember how to tie my shoes at this point. If the police ever had to question me regarding where I was, what was I doing, and if I had an alibi for events that took place prior to 24 hours ago I would most assuredly end up in jail. I would appear conspicuous as fuck and found guilty in record time.

Fortunately I had the foresight to immediately record my numerical thoughts below. Otherwise, this would have been a complete disaster. Okay, it still is, but at least there are pretty pictures!

Here are the bullet points of what I remember:

• My wife and I were in Utah to celebrate her graduating from Utah State and receiving her Master's Degree. As a dietitian.
• Yes, you read that correct.
• In Utah I felt it imperative to eat nachos. Or simply, I feel it's imperative to eat nachos.
• We discovered the Red Iguana was quite close to our hotel.
• We discovered this "guy" also ate at the Red Iguana at one point:

• We contemplated leaving after learning this, but decided to stick it out.
• We waited outside for a table for at least 45 minutes to an hour with all the locals, hipsters, and out-of-towners. Why the hell was it so busy?
• We realized it was Cinco-de-Mayo. 

• We enjoyed some of the best Mexican food we ever ate in our lives.

So, what can I say? Oh, you are wondering about the nachos...I see. Well, the chips were homemade, distinctively crunchy, and delicious. All of the ingredients were incredibly fresh as expected. If you are not using fresh ingredients than Guy and I aren't interested. Words cannot describe how unique the pork chile verde and house made pork chorizo tasted. Not because it's been so long, but because I was drinking. And it's been so long.

• Presentation: 9
• Assembly: 9
• Originality: 5
• Value: 8
• Taste: 9
• Overall: 8.0

Distrito

Distrito
400 West Route 38
Moorestown, NJ 08057
(856) 252-0300


Nachos Encarnacion Skirt Steak Nachos

From the Menu: Refried Beans, Queso Mixto, Chile De Arbol, Crema, Cilantro

Price: $15.00


When one walks into Distrito one is greeted by a literal wall of Lucha Libra masks. This would undoubtedly be sign from the nacho gods that you are about to embark on a wonderful journey. As the hostess walks you to your table you can feel the energy in the air that the decor has created. However, each Lucha Libra mask feels like their eyeless openings are watching you. Possibly judging you and your weak muscles and your lack of nacho blog updates. Even though you made a New Year's Resolution to write more reviews and not let your readers down, life get's in the way.

Or that could just be me.  

So, I made the waitress feel completely uncomfortable as I stared at the nachos seductively heading towards my table. Please note that the nachos were being seductive, I was not staring seductively. I need this to be documented. 

But, I could feel the sides of my mouth raise up and the saliva glands in my mouth get to work. These looked good. Really good. Like "someone-back-in-the-kitchen-actually-cares" good. 

Even though I was with a group of people (let's call them my family) and normally would slap any hands that reach in for just a taste of nachos, I actually welcomed everyone to try a bite. Why would I do such a thing? Simple. My heart was overwhelmed with the warmth of a loving atmosphere created by my family. I wanted everyone sitting around the table to experience the joy and passion I was feeling in my heart.

Of course I could feel the burning sensation of 200 sets of empty, darkened, soulless eyes from the Lucha Libre masks bearing down on me like a firing squad. Judging me once again.

Nachos are meant to be shared. I know this now.

The queso mixto was right on point - tasty and abundant. It completely smothered the entire visible surface of the platter like Hannibal Lecter wearing a face mask - but made of queso. The cheese did manage to permeate through the entire platter, but not to the degree I would've liked to experience. The steak was cooked appropriately and was tender enough to be completely devoured. I generally love steak but typically do not order it on nachos. I have been unexpectedly "burnt" before by eating a disgusting piece of gristle or chewy fat that will ruin the nacho experience for me. I've seen nachos go uneaten because of this unfortunate development. Don't let it happen to you too.

The chile de arbol, crema, cilantro, refried beans, and jalapenos all played a role to make this nacho platter a cohesive and delicious one. The comfort of the steak and mixto queso was juxtaposed against the chile de arbol and jalapenos, and then again against the crema and refried beans. All these wonderfully different flavors were working together to remind me once again that I enjoy nachos.

• Presentation: 9
• Assembly: 6
• Originality: 7
• Value: 8
• Taste: 9
• Overall: 7.8

Super Nachos

Hardee's
Somwhere between Ocean City, Maryland and Philadelphia, Pennsylvania


Super Nachos (Beef)

From the Menu: Crisp Tortilla Chips covered with Refried Beans and Ground Beef, then topped with Cheddar Cheese Sause, Salsa, Sour Cream, and Jalapeños.

Price: $5.29


Road trips.

Rest stops.

Nachos.

Rites of passage, each and every one.

While traveling, fast food is an absolute must. Most people would consider eating something simple such as a burger, chicken nuggets, or a wrap. Not your intrepid nacho explorer. The more dangerous to eat while driving, the better.

These Super Beef Nachos from Hardee's were a surprise. Absurdly simple, yet tasty, with a solid brick of chips and cheese inside a styrofoam container. They were a sight for sore eyes. One can only live off of Nacho Cheese Combos and Fiji water for so long while on the road.

Inexplicably, roadside nachos are a special kind of nachos. Regardless of their appearance, their ingredients, or even their taste, they induce unexpected cheesy happiness. There is something oddly satisfying about breaking up the monotony of the lonely highway by eating fast food, especially nachos. Yet, as much time as we spend in our car on road trips, we are drawn to eat our food in the car.

In the parking lot.

With our belt (seat and pants) undone.

Weirdo.

• Presentation: 6
• Assembly: 4
• Originality: 1
• Value: 8
• Taste: 7
• Overall: 5.2