This was a particularly slow year for your favorite (and only) nacho reviewer due to a number of life events and cataclysms. I spent almost an entire year planning a huge nacho celebration which consumed my life. It was a smashing success and everyone had a most excellent time! I should mention that I also got married at this celebration. A "certain someone" does read this blog.
Earlier in the year, and to my complete surprise, I underwent a surgery to have my nacho friend/organ removed. Due to my insane nacho lifestyle my gallbladder lost the long and hard battle of processing cheese. As I always said, I knew the health risks involved.
And finally, I had packed up my bags and moved north. Far north (and slightly east) to a place claiming to be "greater." Greater than what? Well, I can tell you that there is a lack of worthy nacho excursions up here.
Anyway, here are some of the lost nacho stories of 2014...
Taco Bell
9990 Roosevelt Blvd
Philadelphia, PA 19114
(215) 677-3974
Grilled Stuft Nacho
Menu Description: None available, but will set you back almost 600 calories.
Price: $1.29
Remember when Taco Bell bombarded us with the advertisements for this "new" menu item? I say "new" because rearranging ingredients around and folding them into a triangle does not nachos make.
Reason for being left behind: False advertising and blatant misspelling of a product to appeal to our youth.
My New Crib
Philadelphia, PA 19115
Nacho Style Chicken Sausage - GUY FIERI STYLE!!!
Menu Description: Fully cooked smoked nacho style chicken sausage - with cheese, pinto beans, garlic & jalapenos.
Price: $3.98
These sausages were so fucking disgusting I ended up throwing out the other three. None of the flavors worked together and the textures were just awful.
Reason for being left behind: I felt ashamed supporting that frosted tipped idiot. He's the worst.
Lancaster Dispensing Company
35 North Marker Street
Lancaster, PA 17603
(717) 299-4602
Nacho Platter (Seasoned Beef Option)
Menu Description: Tortilla chips smothered in cheddar and mozzarella cheeses, topped with diced tomatoes, onions and green peppers.
Price: For Seasoned Beef
Small $6.25 / Large $7.50
Add sour cream (50c) guacamole (75c) and jalapenos (50c).
Yes, there are two platters of nachos in this picture. No, they weren't both for me. Yes, I sometimes dream of situations like this.
Reason for being left behind: Amnesia. A plot line that will always destroy our favorite TV shows, movies and nacho blogs. In fact, I don't even remember if I used this quip before. I have.
Sheetz
Lancaster, Pennsylvania
Macho Nachos
Menu Description: Just that snazzy picture on the touch screen ordering kiosk.
Price: Receipt lost.
Fritos! And a ton of white stuff! Gross...mmmm...yeah, no gross.
Reason for being left behind: Let's blame this one on Obama.
Parts Unknown in Pennsylvania
Tom's Nacho Rings
Menu Description: Cheese fla
vored corn snacks. NET WT. 7oz. Servings per Container: 7
Chips topped with slow roasted chicken braised in barbecue sauce with nacho cheese, black beans, fresh cut tomato salsa and sour cream - See more at: http://rittenhoused.com/2012/04/03/extreme-makeover-citizens-bank-parks-nachos-edition/#sthash.bvzwtST6.dpuf
Chips topped with slow roasted chicken braised in barbecue sauce with nacho cheese, black beans, fresh cut tomato salsa and sour cream - See more at: http://rittenhoused.com/2012/04/03/extreme-makeover-citizens-bank-parks-nachos-edition/#sthash.bvzwtST6.dpuf
Price: Value Priced at $2
I'm not sure, but I think these may have just been cheese flavored pork rinds. Their taste was very similar to the bag the were sold in: bright yet deceptively empty.
Reason for being left behind: I simply couldn't contend with this planted review on Walmart.com.
Gearo's
1913 Welsh Road
Philadelphia, PA 19115
(215) 677-2300
Steak Nachos Supreme
Menu Description: NEW!
Price: $10.75
If your going to serve me a metric ton of steak on top of my nachos make sure it isn't dry. Look at that disgusting pile of dog food. Gross.
Full disclosure - Gearo's does make some of the best pizza around. It's REALLY good.
Reason for being left behind: It's hard to write a review when you only eat two tortilla chips covered in [see above pic].
El Rodeo
250 South Meridian Street
Indianapolis, IN 46225
(317) 638-5604
Create Your Own Nachos
Menu Description: Chorizo, beans and cheese (the option I choose)
Price: $7.99
I love chorizo. I love cheese. I love tortilla chips. I used to love grease.
Reason for being left behind: A couple of bites in I knew the hole where my gallbladder used to be was about to become the hurt locker. I came to my senses and the explosion was averted.
Or was it???
Perch Pub
1345 Locust Street
Philadelphia, PA 19107
(215) 546-4090
Tinga Nachos
Menu Description: shredded chicken, tomato chipolte sauce, queso fresco, crema, refried black beans, pickled onions, lettuce, avacado
Price: $12.50
The day before my big nacho celebration (aka my wedding), I thought I would calm my nerves with a unique nacho platter. Something new and something different - just what I needed to sooth the soul.
Reason for being left behind: Okay, so the proceeding 48 hours or so turned out to be one crazy blur. Some nachos were eaten, some vows were spoken, and some pictures of me kissing another man may have surfaced. It's hard to remember the specifics about these nachos other than they photograph well.
Norwegian Cruise Lines - The Getaway
Somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean
Nacho Pizza
Menu Description: PIZZA OF THE DAY isn't enough for you leeches???
Price: Free with the price of your cruise tickets, travel expenses, on-board gambling debts, and soda package.
Somewhere out in the ocean I sensed nachos.
Reason for being left behind: I never actually got to eat a slice. This picture was taken as I was walking by a section of the mile-long buffet after already gorging myself on other Sizzer-esque items. The Nacho Pizza was never to be seen again...
